The biggest question on the minds of many young singles is – how do I know this is the right person for me to marry? How do I know that things will work out between us? If I don’t marry this person, will I regret my decision forever?
Here are a few tips that I thought might help singles out there make the right decision.
1. Pray about it
Choosing a marriage partner is a major decision, and as such, it is important to involve God. He created you with an excellent plan for your life, and for most of us, marriage is part of that plan. Pray before you start ‘hunting,’ during the dating process, and when you finally zero in on a particular person.
The following verse from Psalms is a favorite of mine – I always turn to it when I need to make a crucial decision.
Psalm 37:5 “Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.” (NLT)
Dear single, there is nothing wrong with telling God that you want to get married, and the kind of person you would like for a life partner. Let him know the desires of your heart, and guide you through the process.
2. Listen to wise counsel
Now – listening to wise counsel is not easy when you are smitten. Nobody wants to hear anything negative about the person who has swept them off their feet. The truth is, however, you need to be objective about the person you are in a relationship with, and about the realities of your relationship. For example, if there is something in your partner’s past that affects your present relationship, wouldn’t you like to deal with it now?
Proverbs 19:20 “Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life.” (NLT)
Get advice from your friends who have been married for a while. You can also identify someone who is older than you who is open and honest about the realities of relationships – an older married friend/ couple, a mature aunt/uncle, or even your pastor. Keep an open mind every time you ask for advice. As I said before, you may not like what you hear, but it will help you in the end.
Therefore – if you ask someone to ‘rate’ the person you are dating, and to give advice as to whether the person is a keeper, don’t trash the answer if it is negative. Seek to investigate the reasons behind the other person’s views. If the response is positive, though, you are good to go!
3. Keep your eyes and ears open
Okay – I do not mean you spy on the person you are dating. You do, however, need to be ready to spot inconsistencies in behavior and actions. If you are currently seeing someone that you hope to marry, there should be no secrets between you. This person should also be happy to introduce you to family and close friends and take you along when he or she is invited to a function.
Be on your guard if you notice many hushed phone calls, a reluctance to be seen with you in public, or an unexplained level of secrecy. Ask questions where you need to – the answers will guide you to whether this is the person to spend the rest of your life with.
Just a note, though. People who are madly in love rarely want to accept the truth about their significant others. Try your best to remain objective when making your observations.
4. Take your time
There is no race to get married. Ignore the snide remarks from friends, relatives, and colleagues about your delay in making a decision on a life partner. If you make the wrong choice, it is you, not them who will be stuck with it the rest of your life.
Be patient, therefore, as you look for a spouse. Don’t be in a hurry to specialize; instead get to meet different people at social and work-related functions. Maintain your integrity and don’t compromise on your values, as people will be watching you as they try to catch your attention. When you finally start a serious relationship, let it run its course. Have fun, travel, fight, make up, etc. as you get to know one another better.
There is no certain way to know if the person you are relating with is the right one to marry. The few tips above will, however, give you an idea of what to look out for when you get to the point of choosing a partner. All the best!
Missed the last reflection? Here it is – keeping-your-marriage-grass-green
Another topic? can-i-really-do-this