FOUR THINGS I WISH I WAS TOLD DURING PREMARITAL COUNSELLING
Don’t get me wrong. Premarital counselling is critical in preparing a couple for marriage. There are, however, some things I found out about marriage that I wished I had known way before I dived in. Here they are:
1. Couples Do Not Gel Immediately
This verse from Genesis, quoted at many weddings, often gives couples the impression that once they are married, the process of becoming one happens quickly.
Geneses 2:24 “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” (NLT)
It is very true that husband and wife become one, but it takes time and lots of work. Without God’s help and guidance, building a lifetime bond is quite an uphill task. My advice to you who are starting out – take each day at a time. Be patient with each other as you learn more about one another. Give yourselves time to grow in your relationship.
2. Building a Home Takes Time and Teamwork
Think about this – you are two different people with different backgrounds, upbringing, and experiences. As it is, your styles for making the bed and pressing the toothpaste tube are worlds apart! It, therefore, follows that your ideas of building a home will be completely different. If you want your home to succeed, however, you must agree on the way forward, and give yourselves time to achieve your goals.
Amos 3:3 “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (NLT)
To all couples – just because you’re in love doesn’t mean that you will agree on everything. Sometimes you will disagree, especially on important issues. In such situations, one person may have to back off for the sake of peace. Even if you feel like you are right and you know better, take a step back and pray about the issue. God always works things out.
3. Marriages Go Through Several Rough Patches
There will be days you do not want to see your spouse because of something he or she has done. There will be seasons when you are both too busy with work and the children to spend time together. There will also be periods of illness and incapacitation in your immediate and extended family. Do you walk away when these seasons come along?
Personally, I knew that marriage life would not always be rosy, but some of the things we have gone through as a married couple were entirely unexpected and very difficult. Couples out there, I would advise that you work on your relationship so that it is strong enough to withstand the rough patches. Be there for your spouse when everyone else walks away. Stand together and support each other through the tough times.
4. Children Change Everything
Psalm 127:3 “Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from hm.” (NLT)
I can testify that kids are a gift from above, and without them, my life would be empty. Their arrival, however, changed my marriage completely. Couples out there – don’t imagine that your lives will remain the same after the kids come. These adorable little beings will take over your lives in ways you would never have imagined.
There is good news, though. As parents, God gives you the task of bringing up these kids in his ways and preparing them for the rough life out there. Working together with your spouse to achieve this goal will grow your relationship. Kids have a way of making us view life differently, and teaching us how to think beyond ourselves. Invest in them while they’re still in your house, as you create time for yourselves in between the mad rush. Yes, children do change everything in a marriage, but for the better!
Couples, attend those premarital classes – they are crucial. Remember, though, that if something happens in your marriage that you weren’t told about in class, God will help you to handle it. Rely on him for the success of your marriage. All the best!
Missed last week’s reflection? Here it is –Am I confident I will leave a legacy
Intereted in another topic? Life Lessons from the Ant